Day 5: Perspective

Day 5 of Sawyer's life was a rough day for both mom and baby. He was barely eating, he had no wet or poopy diapers, he would cry hysterically during feedings, his skin was turning yellow, and his mother was feeling pretty miserable because she couldn't fix any of his problems.

First thing that morning I scheduled an appointment with the lactation consultant. While waiting for the appointment, on the verge of tears I overheard commotion in the next room. It was a room full of doctors, nurses, a set of parents, and a 26 week micro-premie. From my eavesdropping I gathered they were preparing the baby for transfer to a larger neo-natal facility. I didn't give the situation too much thought as I wallowed in my own despair.

At the appointment I learned Sawyer had again dropped in weight to 5 lb. 7 oz., which is a 15% weight drop from his birth weight. His bilirubin levels were also checked and it was determined that he had developed jaundice. Needless to say, the appointment didn't start out so well, they were talking about re-admission to the hospital. But then things began to look up when we tried to feed him. After attempting all the normal strategies the lactation consultant discovered that Sawyer has a unique sucking technique which makes it difficult for him to latch on effectively (he raises his tongue when he sucks, instead of keeping it down). She gave me a shield that would enable him to latch on and won't allow him to raise his tongue. Within minutes he was nursing and didn't stop for an hour. When I left the appointment I was feeling more optimistic about his feedings, but then I realized we had another hurdle to overcome to correct his jaundice. He was prescribed a bili blanket which is a phototherapy mat that must stay attached to him 24 hours a day and leaves him tethered to range of six feet from an electric outlet. It also gives him a nice long tail and makes it a little difficult to change his diaper. The bili blanket in itself isn't too bad, but I worried that it would set us back on the feeding end of things as we now had to lug around a machine every time we picked him up.

After a long day of doctor visits I was driving home through the fog (both figuratively and literally) and it hit me. I am truly blessed. Sure we've had some struggles and frustrations the past 5 days, but the problems we had in the morning that felt so huge were all resolved by the end of the day. I should be praising God for our beautiful, happy, on his way to being healthy little boy. My mind wondered to the parents of the micro-premie that was being transferred and the long road ahead for them and their child. Yet, as they stood by their child watching the doctors swarm I could see the joy on their face. They were simply happy to have the opportunity to be with their baby. Examining their challenge made my plight seem insignificant and that's when my perspective changed. I started the day feeling hopeless and it ended with a huge reminder of how blessed I am. I need to rely on God, not myself, for Sawyer's protection. I need to be rejoicing that Sawyer is here and God entrusted him to us. I need to praise God even during the tough times because He is in control and He is good.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" James 1:2-6

Praise the Lord Sawyer's health issues were resolved quickly (by day 7 I'm happy to report he was up to 6 lb. 1 oz.). I hope and pray I remember this lesson daily and can impress it upon Sawyer's heart at a young age.